Lights Will Guide You Home
by tinyglasshouses
Summary: Eloise Vandeviere is living the life in California. A perfect boyfriend, great parties, and a mom who is finally proud of her. But when one simple mistake leads to another, she runs away to the only place she remembers- La Push, Washington.
1. You Try Your Best

**TAKES PLACE TEN YEARS AFTER BREAKING DAWN.**

_Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Pale skin._

_Brown hair. Brown eyes. Dark skin._

_Innocent. Obedient._

_Silly. Outgoing._

_Six._

_Five._

_Lost._

_Found._

"Hey! This is my spot!"

A little girl with blonde curls lifted her head, her eyes widening.

"I'm sorry!" She whispered, frantically moving to leave. She didn't want to disrupt this boy's 'spot', and frankly, he kind of scared her. Although he was smaller than her, and his eyes seemed like they would be gentle on any normal day, he looked quite upset, and she hated being around people when they were upset. It always terrified her.

She scrambled away quickly, getting up from the place she'd been sitting at under the tree. The boy watched her for a couple of seconds, almost as though he was scrutinizing her. She waited tensely for him to take his spot under the tree, but he never did. The little boy just looked at her, waiting for something.

"I'm Faolan." He finally said, uncrossing his arms, "But you can just call me Fao. What's your name?"

"Eloise Vandeviere."

"Do you have a nickname?" Faolan's eyebrows were furrowed slightly, and he frowned.

"N- no. My mommy says that it's polite to call someone by their real name." Eloise looked down, shuffling her feet.

"Well, I can make you a nickname. My dad calls me the nickname king." He smiled proudly, "Can I call you Ellie?"

"I'm not allowed to have a nickname. " She whispered, and when she looked up, she could see that he was just smiling at her. "B-but, maybe if my mommy didn't find out?"

"Our secret, Ellie. Do you…. Do you want to hang out in my spot with me? It's actually a secret agent place."

Eloise smiled for the first time in a long time and nodded.

"But, I have to be Agent P. okay?"

_Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Pale skin._

_Brown hair. Brown eyes. Dark skin._

_Worried. Torn._

_Betrayed. Lost._

_Ten._

_Nine._

_Wounded._

_Dead._

"Faolan? Faolan?" Ellie's eyes scanned the park, her body moving frantically throughout it. She needed to find him. She _needed_ to. She had messed up, bad. Her mom had messed up bad. They all had. And now, she needed to fix it, before she lost someone else she loved.

She could almost see a shadow of a person sitting in front of a tree, the same place her and Faolan had met four years ago, their back hunched over. Their pain seemed overbearing, but completely silent, and even from far away a person could tell the sadness of it all was swallowing them whole. Ellie gulped, her fear sticking in the back of her neck. She was scared to talk to him, scared to see how much he hated her.

But she walked up to him anyways. "F-Fao?" She tentatively touched his shoulder, almost expecting him to move away as soon as she did, so she was surprised when she got absolutely no response.

Except a shudder that racked through the small body of the nine year old. He looked up at her, his brown eyes glimmering with tears.

"I forgive you," He whispered, and that's when Ellie felt the tears spilling over in her eyes, and she sat herself down on the ground next to him and just held him. Held him because she didn't know what to do. She was only ten. She had never experienced a death before, never had to comfort someone in a situation like this.

"Why do you forgive me? Why _would_ you forgive me? I didn't come to Ryan's funeral." She pulled her head away, avoiding his eyes. "You're so strong and I didn't even go."

"I'm not strong!" He cried out, and she flinched. "Why does everyone say that? I'm _hurting._ I don't want to be told how great I am. _Ryan_ was great." His tears were flooding down his face now, and he turned her body so that she was being forced to look him straight in the eye. "Why did he have to die, Ellie? He was only eleven!"

Ellie let out a sob, her arms pulling him into a hug where she just held on. She didn't know why his brother had died. She didn't know why life was so unfair. She was only _ten! _ But she did know that she didn't want her best friend to be hurting so much.

"I don't know, Fao." She rested her head on his shoulder, and Faolan felt the slightest bit of comfort knowing that at least someone was still there for him.

_Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Pale skin._

_Brown hair. Brown eyes. Dark skin._

_Scared. Bitter._

_Sad. Hopeful._

_Fourteen._

_Thirteen._

_Broken._

_Bruised._

"Fao, if I told you that I've known something pretty vital for a long time, and haven't told you, would you get mad at me?" Ellie avoided his eyes, making sure to look down to stare at the grass underneath her. She began picking at it, pulling out handfuls at a time that she would just discard next to her. It was something she had always tended to do when her and Faolan would sit in their spot under the tree, but she did it more when she was nervous. Which she definitely was now.

He looked down at her with his eyebrows raised. His black hair had grown a lot longer and although his features were still innocent, he had grown much taller than her.

"No, I don't think I would. You know me, all calm and collected." He teased, trying to break the ice a bit. When she didn't respond, his eyebrows furrowed. "Okay, now you're starting to scare me. What's wrong?"

She turned her head away from him, her hands picking at the grass faster. "I'm moving." She finally whispered, head bent low. Even though he had assured her he wouldn't be, she was still scared he would be mad at her.

Instead, he started laughing. "That's your 'vital information'?" He grinned at her, "You're moving? Where to, Forks?" She remained silent, and that's when his smile dropped and he grew worried. "El, look at me. You're only moving a few miles away, right? We'll still be able to see each other? I mean, your mom would never try to move you so far away that we'd never be able to talk… Right?"

Ellie just looked at him, and when she did, Faolan noticed there were tears in her eyes. "I'm moving to Los Angeles." He remained quiet, so she continued. "You know, in Cali-"

"I know where it is," He interrupted, "but this has got to be some kind of joke. Why would you be moving?"

She took a deep breath, forcing herself to stop picking at the grass and really _look_ at him. "There's a beauty pageant there my mom thinks I will do good in. But, I think she's given up on me. She doesn't love me."

"Ellie-"

"Stop! We all know it's true. I haven't won any beauty pageants lately, so she thinks I'm the biggest disappointment in the world. Just because she was Miss Washington doesn't mean I have to be, too." She felt the tears spring to her eyes, but she forced herself to keep going. "And, you know, I try _so _hard to make her proud of me. Ever since she started putting me in these stupid pageants, I _never_ say what I think. I'm like the boringest, stupidest, talking robot ever to be made."

Faolan grabbed her hands in his and squeezed them, "Ellie, no matter what anyone thinks, I will _always_ see the real you." He smiled, "And you know what?"

"What?" She whispered.

"You will always be the most amazing, perfect, funny, sweet, best friend I have ever had. Even if we're gazillions of miles away, got it?"

"That was cheesy," She wiped a few tears from her eyes and really, truly smiled. "I love you, Fao, no matter what, okay?" He was her best friend, and she didn't love him romantically. The idea of that almost grossed her out. But she did love him.

"I love you too." Faolan grinned, pulling her in for a quick hug. "Now, away from the Debby Downer moment! Who wants to play chess?"


	2. But You Dont Succeed

**FOUR YEARS LATER**

"Stefan! Bring the powder over here, now!" A young woman bustled about the small dressing room, fussing incessantly over the young girl in front of the mirror. Her blonde hair was perfectly curled, her makeup seemingly flawless, and she was about to step into a gorgeous torquoise ball gown, which would just put the whole look into place. She looked like a force to be reckoned with, a million bucks, which she would be, if maybe her shoulders were pulled back in confidence, her head raised high, and her hands calm. Instead, she stared blankly into the mirror, her hands shaking as she thought of all the times she had failed.

Eloise Vandeviere was absolutely terrified.

She spoke only when asked, never sharing her opinion and instead opting for polite small talk. She felt broken, lost, like she had no idea who she was or who ever would be. The only thing that seemed to ever matter was her mother's praise.

It was what she _thrived_ for. And finally, she had gotten it. When she had turned seventeen, she had won her first beauty pageant in Los Angeles, and things suddenly seemed to be looking up for her. Everyone finally could see the gem that she was.

Everyone but _herself_.

Her mother was finally proud of her, she had friends other than the one best friend she had when she was younger, and she even had the most wonderful boyfriend alive.

Eloise stared in the mirror, nothing but her blank reflection looking back at her as her mother ran about, trying to perfect makeup that was already perfect. Everything seemed completely and utterly surreal, and the only thing that made her realize she was still in reality was that she remembered she still hated herself.

"Eloise, tilt your chin up darling. I need to get powder on there, it's getting rather shiny." Eloise obediently lifted her chin, and her mother pressed the powder onto there. "Your skin's not usually this bad. You've been getting facials once a week, correct?" Eloise flinched, feeling the blow that wasn't even meant to hurt. She was sensitive to every little comment her mom made, and nothing seemed to make her feel good enough.

"Yes, mother." She whispered, forcing a smile onto her face so that her mom could put blush onto the apples of her cheeks.

"Oh, well, you must just be stressing out then. But don't be! Eloise, you have this pageant in the bag. And remember, you're turning eighteen. It's a good day for you, got it?"

"It's a good day. Got it." And with that Eloise fixed the iron smile on her face, slipped out of her robe, and stepped into the bright ball gown she would wear for the Dress round. She needed to win. Her mother _expected_ her to win.

* * *

><p>"Third place-" The announcer pulled out a card from the envelope, squinting as though he was having a hard time reading the name on it. And, to most people, that's what it looked like. However, Eloise went to many pageants where he announced the winners, and she knew that he only did that to build up the tension.<p>

"Third place goes to…. Annaleigh Jefferson!" A pretty brunette smiled and stepped forward, while her family cheered in the audience. She made a short speech about equality and sexism, before stepping back. Eloise rolled her eyes, making a mental note to never talk about such topics during her speeches. They were just too…. cheesy for a pageant speech.

"Now, second place is for-" The announcer smiled at whatever was on the card, but remained completely professional, and made sure his attitude was composed. "-Eloise Vandeviere!"

Eloise smiled lightly, stepping forward in her Dress wear. She was pretty happy at getting second place, considering how she'd never even placed when she was younger. The announcer smiled at her and congratulated her, giving her a thing of flowers to hold. As he handed them over to her, Eloise could see her mother frowning and clapping slowly in the audience. She bit her lip, looking away. She might not have gotten a tiara or a ribbon, but she felt a little bit proud of what she'd accomplished.

Why couldn't her mother just be happy for her?

Eloise made her usual speech she gave when she won a beauty pageant, and smiled at the end, as though she was genuinely happy. It was amazing what could be hidden.

"You were absolutely amazing, babe. One of the best." Caleb O'Brien grinned down at Eloise, throwing his arm around her shoulder casually. "And, to celebrate your success…" He smirked, leaning in to give her a kiss.

Eloise giggled, accepting the kiss gladly. She had been having some doubts about their relationship, but as soon as he kissed her, all those thoughts went away. Even though he was her first real boyfriend, she felt like he was the one for her. She laced her arms around his neck, leaning into the kiss, hungry for more as her hands found their way into his hair.

"Oh, God. That's just unmerciful. And _gross_. How can you do that without wanting to barf?" A gorgeous blonde had walked up behind them, her tiny nose scrunching at just the sight of Caleb and Eloise kissing.

Caleb pulled away, raising his eyebrows and throwing his arm back around Eloise's shoulder. "I'm pretty irresistible. I don't know why you would even _want_ to barf. Other than the fact that you're my sister."

Jessica rolled her eyes, "And if Eloise hadn't met me, then you two wouldn't be dating." Eloise smiled, silently reminding herself to thank Jessica later.

"Now, if you _really_ want to celebrate, Annie's throwing a party down at her place. It's supposed to be huge and of course we're all invited. I mean, when you beat the girl in a beauty pageant, she will definitely invite you just to try and prove we're all still friends. I mean, I hate the girl," Jessica laughed, "but who doesn't like a good party?"

Caleb squeezed Eloise's shoulder, nodding at Jessica. "I'd love that. I've been dying of boredom watching all you girls strut down a damn runway. Don't get me wrong," he added, "Eloise, you look totally hot and all, but a guy can only take so much when he's been to every one of his sister's and girlfriend's pageants."

Eloise laughed, but stopped almost immediately as she saw her mom coming towards her.

"And here comes the Wicked Witch of the West," Caleb muttered, though his tone instantly changed as she got within hearing distance. "Ah, Miss Vandeviere! Your daughter was amazing, as always."

Miss Vandeviere smiled tightly, "Always the charmer, Caleb. But I need to talk to Eloise."

Eloise let out a nervous laugh. "Don't wait for me, Caleb."

"I wouldn't dare." He smirked.

Miss Vandeviere led her out of the small hallway, into a waiting room where a receptionist sat. Her eyes held no emotion, and Eloise was completely and utterly terrifed. She had worked so hard to make her mother proud, and she felt as though it would all just come crumbling down because of one screw up.

"You did it again." Miss Vandeviere whirled around to face her daughter, her eyes narrowing. "We were doing so well! And you did it _again_."

Eloise knew exactly what she was talking about, but she decided to press on anyways. "Did what?"

"Lost!" She shrieked, throwing her hands up in the air, "You _lost. Again._ We have worked so hard to avoid this! Do you even care about these things anymore?"

"I'm sorry," Eloise whispered, looking down at her feet. She didn't dare say anything else. She had learned throughout her life to just let her mom rant and insult, and when that was over with, just walk away with what dignity you had left. Which was usually none.

"You should be! You know, I _told_ you you're skin was too oily. I told you to go get those facials once a week! Did you even get them?"

"You think I lost because my skin looked a little bit shiny?" She jerked her chin up, finally bothering to look her mom in the eye. "That's not why I lost. I lost because maybe I'm not _good at them. _Have you ever thought of that? Maybe I'm just not meant to do beauty pageants!"

Miss Vandeviere's eyebrows raised, her mouth curling downwards. "Don't you dare say that! You have my blood, got it? I was born to do them, and so were you!"

Eloise looked down at her hands again, "Look. I don't want to do them, but I don't want to disappoint you anymore."

"You've already disappointed me."

* * *

><p>"Hey, babe! Ready for the party?" Eloise jerked her head up, finally noticing Caleb walking towards her.<p>

"Look, Caleb-"

"It's gonna be so much fun. So, lets go, yeah?" He swung his arm around her again, this time leading her towards Jessica's car.

"I'm not really in the mood to go right now, okay?" Eloise glanced up at him, pleading with him to understand. "It's just that my mom and I just had a fight, and I kind of want to just go home and rest…"

Caleb frowned. "It's your eighteenth birthday. You're not just gonna go home and cry, okay? Besides, a party should take things off your mind."

"I really, _really_ don't feel like it, Caleb. Honest. Just go with out me, okay?"

"Well, you know, there are tons and tons of hot girls there…." He smirked at her, untangling his arm from hers. "And, beer, too. Who knows what might happen, you know?"

"Are you trying to say you'd actually cheat on me?" Eloise's eyes narrowed, and she felt almost desperate. She didn't want to lose him, but she really didn't feel like going to the party, either.

"Look, all I'm saying is that things happen. But if you were to go to the party…. Nothing would happen, okay?" He shrugged.

Eloise frowned, before replacing it with a permanent smile that graced her features. "Fine. I'll go. But, on one condition."

"What's that?"

"Please, please. Don't drink."


	3. When You Get What You Want

"Whoo! What a party!" A random drunk guy ambled by, fist pumping the air in a sloppy attempt to the beat of the song. Eloise groaned, her head throbbing from all the movement going on around her. She really didn't feel like being at the party, and, honestly, she had no clue as to where Caleb or Jessica had gone.

She made her way over to the punch table, clutching her head in response to the terribly loud music. It was a huge rap mix, one where no one could really dance, but only grind and makeout on the dance floor. And that really had Eloise worried as to where Caleb had gone to.

"Hey!" A guy came up next to her, grabbing a beer off one of the tables, "Having a bad time or something?"

"You could say that," she muttered, scooping a bit of punch into her cup. She took a sip of the punch, only to make a face and force herself to swallow it. "They call this punch? What the hell's in it?" She finally turned, getting a good look at the guy. He seemed around her age, maybe a couple years older, and he had a nice California tan.

He laughed though at her statement, and raised his beer bottle almost in response to her question. "You didn't know? It's spiked. However, if you're having as bad of a day as I think you are, I'd keep drinking it. Helps numb the feelings a bit, you know?"

Eloise frowned, staring into the cup. Most of the time, she was against drinking. Her mother had always taught her that drinking just caused a horrible hangover and gross skin. Today, though, she figured that her mother's opinion didn't exactly matter, so she took a quick swig of it, letting it sink in a little bit.

The guy laughed as she choked as it went down, her face screwing up in what seemed to be her 'disgusted' face. But, as soon as she was done swallowing it she took another swig. She wanted to just completely forget.

The guy bumped her shoulder with his flirtatiously, grinning at her. "See, not so bad, right? And if you want, I could seriously help with some of that tension that seems to be in your shoulders. A good back massage will do the trick." He winked at her, and she took another gulp of it, laughing. She'd never drank so much so fast, and she could feel the alcohol kicking in, though her mind seemed to be refusing the idea that she was getting drunk.

"I might like that," she giggled, and he squeezed her arm soothingly.

"Do you want to dance?"

"I would love to, actually." She didn't know where Caleb was, and at that moment, she couldn't have cared less. Grabbing another cup of punch, she made her way over to the dance floor with the guy.

"By the way, what's your name?" He asked her, grabbing her hips and helping her sway in time to the music.

"Eloise." She yelled over the music, her moves feeling clumsier and clumsier as she took more sips of the alcohol.

"Oh, so do you go by, like, Ellie or something?"

"No." Somewhere in the back of her mind a memory was stirring, but with the alcohol affecting her brain, she pushed the thought away, not bothering to linger on it. "What's your name?"

"James. Now, a cutie like you must have a boyfriend?"

Eloise giggled, pulling the cup up to her lips again. "Yeah, but he's probably off with some other girl. I don't know where he is." She threw her head back to laugh, the thought of him being with someone else almost funny to her. James's hand accidentally bumped her drink though, and the cup fell, splattering what was left of the alcohol all over the floor.

"Oopsies!" She cried, giggling.

"Here, I'll just get you another one." He smiled at her, before pulling her away from the dance floor and towards the drink table again. He filled up another cup of the spiked punch, handing it to her.

"Arent you gonna get another beer?" She asked, pushing the cup to her lips again.

"Uh, no, I prefer not to get drunk." He smiled, almost uneasily, but in her drunken state, she didn't really notice it.

"Alrighty then! Want to head back to the dance floor?"

"Actually," he rubbed his hand up her arm, "I was thinking maybe we could go some place a little more private."

"Oohh, like a makeout room. Gotcha." Eloise giggled again, and as the room spun a little bit, it just made her laugh more.

James eyebrows raised, and he grinned. "Exactly like that."

He grabbed her hand and lead her up a flight of stairs, her still drinking from the punch cup.


	4. But Not What You Need

Eloise woke up to a screaming migraine and blinding light shining in her eyes.

"Rise and shine, sweet cheeks. You are _not_ supposed to be here anymore." Curtains were yanked back and a voice filled the air. Eloise swiveled her head to her left, squinting at the faint outline of a girl.

"Annie?" Eloise tried to sit up, pushing the covers off of herself, only to yank the sheets up again. "Oh- oh, my god. I'm naked?" Her mind whirled, "I'm naked. Oh, my god." Her vision was becoming more clear, but her head was pounding relentlessly.

Annie laughed, "You obviously got a little frisky last night. Not such a good girl after all, huh?" She winked, then went back to tidying up the rest of the room. A bedroom, Eloise vaguely realized. She was in a bedroom, at Annie's house, and she was naked in a bed.

"Wh- What happened last night, exactly?" She knew she was panicking, but she needed to know details, and _now_. Eloise hated not being in control of her life, and that's one of the reasons why she avoided drinking. She never wanted to be caught doing something she had no idea she was even doing in the first place.

It was a little too late for that, though.

"You don't remember?" Annie raised her eyebrows, "You went upstairs with a really cute guy and no one saw you after that. Your boyfriend left hours ago, everyone did." She picked up Eloise's dress from last night and tossed it to her, "I figured I would let you sleep, you look like you blacked out."

Eloise grabbed the dress numbly and stepped out of the bed, turning around so she could put on the dress. "Blacked out? Why would I… I didn't even drink that much."

"It was your first time drinking, right? Maybe you're a lightweight," Annie shrugged, "All I know is that I kind of need you to leave. My parents will be home in about two hours and I need to call the maid to come clean this place up. Because if I don't in time, Daddy isn't buying me that new Lilly Pulitzer dress." She fake-pouted, "And an Annie-without-a-Lilly-Pulitzer-dress is a very unhappy Annie."

Eloise felt her head spinning and the tears almost threatening to spill out. She hugged herself tightly, wanting so badly to remember but not being able to. "Thanks for basically taking care of me, sorry I got out of hand last night."

"It's a party, you're supposed to." Annie shrugged again.

"Did Caleb, uh.." Eloise paused, not quite knowing how to word her question without sounding like the world's worst girlfriend, "Did he, you know, see me last night?"

"Nope, though I doubt he wouldn't mind considering he left before that with Allison Baker. Is your guys relationship an open one, or something?"

Eloise gathered her blonde hair into a rough ponytail, and the tears that had threatened to spill out earlier were starting to. "No," She whispered, "No, not at all. I made a mistake, I need to go. Thanks again, Annie."

She grabbed her purse and bolted as fast as she could. She couldn't bear to face Caleb, she didn't know how she would even begin to apologize or if she even should. He always cheated on her, after all. _Always_. So why was it when she did it she felt so damn guilty?

_Because you didn't even know his last name, or his age, and you don't even remember it! _Her mind screamed at her accusingly. She shoved her keys into the ignition in her car, needing to drive anywhere that was away from here. She pulled her heels off and began to drive North, heading onto the highway. She felt like she wasn't even a part of herself, like she was outside of her body and none of this was even real. She could feel her fingers punching in Jess's number on her cell phone, and wasn't surprised when Jess picked up sounding like she had the worst hangover out of everyone that had been at the party.

"Hello?" Her voice was groggy, "Eloise, seriously? Right now? It's the morning after a huge party, you can _not_ be doing this to me."

"Jess, please, this is serious need-to-know stuff. As in, I need to know. Right now. So your sleep can easily wait." Eloise took a deep breath, shifting her phone to her shoulder so she could keep both hands on the steering wheel. "Did you see me at all last night? At all?"

"At the beginning of the party, yeah.. why do you need to know this?"

"I can't remember a single thing from last night and I woke up in a bed _naked_. And not with Caleb next to me. Or anyone for that matter. And I _can't remember_!" The tears spilled out more, and she could just feel herself getting worked up and frustrated. "I want to remember, so badly, Jess. But I _can't,_ it's like my memory is just a blank sheet of paper that is supposed to have words but it doesn't. Isn't… Dammit!" She hit the steering wheel with her palm, "Isn't a girl's first time supposed to be with her boyfriend that she loves? And shouldn't she _remember it?_"

There was a long pause on the end of the line.

"Eloise, how much did you drink?"

"Like two cups, maybe three, tops. And the punch was only _spiked_ for goodness' sake, most of it was just punch! Am I that much of a lightweight?" She groaned, only to hear more silence on the end. "Okay, Jess, now you either tell me I'm stupid, or you comfort me. Whichever one you feel like."

"Eloise, listen, you are stupid. But not because you drank too much, because you didn't. Did this guy," Jess paused, and then let out a frustrated sigh, "Did he get you the drink or did you?"

Eloise wanted to slam the breaks on the car at that instant, but instead she clenched her hands tighter around the steering wheel. "What are you trying to say?" Her voice felt flat, monotone, and she realized that suddenly she didn't want to do anything but go to sleep and pretend like none of this ever happened.

"I'm saying that you didn't drink a lot, and somehow you blacked out and ended up naked in a bed. No one blacks out and can't remember a single thing from three drinks. And Michaela and Lily told me a couple weeks ago that a guy had gone to both their parties and apparently roofied a few girls' drinks. Not-" She let out another sigh, "Not that you should jump to the conclusion that that is what happened, but they never saw what the guy looked like, and-"

"Stop."

"Eloise, if this is the case, you can't run from this. I know this was your first time and you were saving it for Caleb, but-"

"No, just stop, Jess. Caleb and me aren't even a thing anymore in my book, because apparently Allison Baker is a short chapter in his, and I am _not_-" She gritted her teeth, "I am _not _going to let you _lie_ and convince me I was _raped_ just because you're mad I cheated on your brother."

"Eloise, god, you have got to be kidding me. I'm trying to _help_ you! If what you said is true then this could be a serious issue-"

"No, you know what, I'm beginning to remember last night. And it was beautiful and James was a perfect gentleman, and it was the most amazing first time a girl could ask for. So, never mind. Forget I even bothered to call." She flipped her phone shut, throwing it down into the passenger seat. She kept driving for what felt like a couple of hours, and then a couple turned into a few, and then suddenly it was about 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Her mom had been calling her cell phone all day, and Eloise just continually let it ring, not wanting to pick up and hear another lecture. She just needed to get away, away from her mom (_You've already disappointed me_, well, gee, thanks Mom, Happy Birthday to me, too), away from Caleb (_Look, all I'm saying is that things happen_, you sure proved that with Allison Baker, didn't you?), away from the beauty pageants that dictated her life (_You lost, again,_ what a perky reminder!), and mostly, away from that charming boy whose last name she didn't even know, and who had taken what was most important to her (_Actually, I was thinking we could go some place a little more private, _gosh, what a swell idea).

But most of all, she wanted away from the inside of her mind. She couldn't take not knowing, not being able to piece together what had happened. She hated all the questions that swirled through her mind, ones she couldn't ask because she was too embarrassed and too upset and too _angry_. She wanted nothing more than to just shut her mind off, but she couldn't, and so the thoughts and questions bubbled constantly until her attention was diverted by a sign.

_Welcome to La Push, Washington_


	5. You Feel So Tired But You Can't Sleep

Eloise pulled over at a tiny gas station in La Push. Her gas light had been on for a while, and she knew she was close to running out of gas, and this gas station was the only gas station until at least Forks. La Push had always been a small town with not much around it; a couple of restaurants, a book store, a dollar store down the street. A lot of people sold fresh fruit and vegetables on the side of the road, and Eloise remembered how her mother used to take her to them all the time when she was little.

As she got out to pay and pump, a man who had been standing outside the station started walking towards her. He was older, maybe fifty or so, with long black hair and tanned skin. "Miss!" He called.

Eloise turned, her hands still fumbling with the pump. "Hmm?"

"They close at four o'clock on Sundays." He came over to her side of the car, "They're all locked up inside, no one's here."

Eloise groaned, burying her face in her hands for a few seconds. Why had she driven this far? What was she even thinking? She hardly had any money and now she didn't even have enough gas to get home later that night. In fact, she didn't even think she had enough gas to pull out of the gas station.

"Just my luck," She muttered, opening the car door to get back in. "Are there any other gas stations around here? Any really close-by ones?"

"Not unless you can drive all the way up to Forks? That's the closest." He clicked his tongue at her when she let out a sigh and chuckled to himself, "Tell you what, my daughter-in-law's husband keeps gallons of gas behind their house just in case of any emergencies like this. I can give him a call, if you'd like."

She nodded feverishly, "Oh, yes, thank you so much! I really hope it's no trouble, I just didn't realize I was this low on gas."

He eyed her up and down for a moment as he pulled out his phone, "You're not from around here, are you?"

"I grew up here, but I haven't been back in a while." She admitted.

"Huh. Don't see many blonde-haired kids around this area." He laughed.

She cracked a smile and grabbed a sweater from the passenger seat of her car, realizing how ridiculous she probably looked standing outside of a gas-station barefoot and in a party dress. She threw it on, tossing her hands in the large pockets and waiting for him to call and send for help.

A few minutes later, an old chevy truck was pulling into the lot loaded with a couple gallons of gas in the pickup. A tall, very chiseled and very handsome, man stepped out of the truck, grabbing a gallon from the back and walking over to where Eloise and the father-in-law were standing.

"Sam! Just in time, I thought this poor girl was going to freeze to death by the time you all got here." The old man chastised him as Sam gave a large grin.

"Well, I would blame Emily on this one, she insisted on bringing a tupperware of rice and chicken just because it's so cold outside."

"We can't let the poor girl starve in this cold weather!" A shout came from the passenger side of the truck and Sam rolled his eyes. Eloise glanced over to where the voice came from, and noticed it had come from a beautiful woman, about Sam's age. She had long, shiny black hair and flawless copper skin, and when she turned her head to the left Eloise could see long, thin red scars that ran down the side of her face, disfiguring her eye and mouth. She was still stunning even with the scars, and suddenly Eloise could feel her insecurities rising, and she was, once again, focused on how ridiculous she must look to them. Her hair was disheveled and filled with hairspray from the pageant the night before, she obviously looked hungover, and her eyes had dark circles under them. She hadn't even showered or brushed her teeth! She quickly became self conscious, pulling the sweater even tighter around her body to cover the silly dress she was wearing.

Sam's eyes flicked towards her as she did this, and he stepped towards her to outstretch his hand. "I'm Sam Uley, and the slightly crazy woman in the truck is my wife, Emily. She means well I promise, and her chicken and rice is to die for." He handed her the tupperware, "What brings you to La Push?"

Eloise thought through her words, trying to disentangle her thoughts and not wanting to admit the real reason in the case that she sounded thoroughly unstable. "Just driving," She admitted, "I used to live in La Push, and I haven't been back in awhile. I think I missed the town, in some weird way." She laughed, "It's been a while, but it still feels like home. Even this old gas station seems cozy. Nothing like LA."

"All the way from LA?" He raised an eyebrow, "Where are you staying tonight?"

"Actually… I'm driving back tonight. Hence why I need gas." She laughed.

"You drove all the way here from LA just so you could drive all the way back?" Sam raised his eyebrows even higher than they already were, obviously flabbergasted, "That's a pretty long drive for someone as young as you to do at night."

Eloise heard a car door closing, and Emily stepped out of the car to approach her. "What's your name?"

"Eloise Vandeviere," She shook her hand, "Are there any hotels around here maybe? I could get one for the night, since it is a long drive."

Emily shook her head, "The nearest one is about half an hour to an hour away. We're pretty far out in the middle of nowhere," She grinned, then suddenly her face light up and she started incessantly tapping Sam's arm excitedly, "Oh! Oh!"

Sam rolled his eyes, but the smirk on his face still remained, "I already know what you're thinking Emily. One step ahead of you." He grinned, "Eloise, how would you like to stay at our house for the night? We have a couple of extra rooms and Emily loves the company."

"I come from a big family," Emily nodded, "And there's always people coming and going at our house. One more person for a night or two wouldn't be so bad. We would love the company, and I'm sure our family would, too."

Eloise blushed, "Actually, that would be really nice." She hesitated, fiddling with the pockets in her sweater, "I wouldn't be intruding, would I? I could get a hotel, or even go home, I just… I don't really want to go home, yet."

"Wait, wait," Sam held up a hand, "You're 18, right? We're not aiding a minor running away, are we?"

"18 as of yesterday, actually," Eloise grinned, "So, no, this is perfectly legal."

"Well then, welcome aboard to the Uley family, for now."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx **

"Thanks again for doing this, Emily." Eloise pulled the blanket on top of her up to her chin, snuggling in closer on the bed to get comfortable. Emily had lent her an old t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants to wear for the night, and they'd let her shower and clean up before getting the room she was staying in ready for her. Eloise felt a little ridiculous when Emily had insisted on tucking her in (after all, she was 18), but Emily had only said that because she had two little girls herself, she felt it was necessary.

"You don't need to thank me, sweetie. You're welcome here. This town is a family to us, and anyone who has lived here is family to us."

"But, you don't even know me," Eloise frowned, suddenly feeling like an intruder, "I could be a mass murderer for all you know."

"Oh, honey, I could take you down in a heartbeat. You're not killing anyone around here, trust me." She laughed, "Unless your looks are deceiving?"

"I'm incredibly scary- the blonde hair and blue eyes are just a mask." Eloise cracked a grin, before letting out a sleepy yawn.

"I'm sorry, again, for bothering you guys like this." She looked down, fiddling with a loose string on the blanket.

Emily rested her hand on top of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Everyone has things they run from, and La Push is always there for those who need the help."

"I'm not-"

"Shh," Emily interrupted her, "You don't have to lie. You don't have to tell us, but you don't have to lie." She smiled softly, "Now, sweet dreams, we'll wake you in the morning for breakfast. The boys come at 10 am sharp."

"The boys..?"

Emily grinned and winked at her, before flicking off the light switch and shutting the door.

And now that she was surrounded by darkness, Eloise was terrified.

She hadn't had a lot of time to think in the past couple of hours, and thinking about the night before while it was still light outside was different. It wasn't as scary, it didn't seem to hold as many possibilities. But lying there, encompassed by nothing but black, she realized that she couldn't run away from her thoughts anymore. They surrounded her, engulfing her. The worries that had plagued her mind earlier suddenly reached the surface, bubbling to the top and threatening to overflow in the form of tears.

She felt _dirty_.

She had showered for a long period of time, not wanting to get out in fear that the minute she stepped out from underneath the scorching water she would just feel dirty all over again. She had scrubbed herself until she bled, terrified that his scent was still lingering on her, and just wanting to get his touch off of her. She couldn't even remember him touching her, didn't know what it felt like, but it was as if his touch was still _there_, even though she hadn't felt it. She knew it was there, and that was all that mattered.

The darkness gave her endless amounts of time to conjure up images in her head, hundreds of different depictions of how last night had gone. Had she passed out before he did it? Had she said yes and _then_ passed out? Was she actually awake the whole time and just couldn't remember it? Had she agreed? Did she struggle, say no, fight back?

The idea that the sex was consentual on her part was hard for her to think about, but the idea that it hadn't been at all was even harder. And the fact that she would never, ever know, was even worse for her to think about.

Eloise felt like she was spinning out of control, and she had nothing to grasp. No one to hold grab her arm and pull her up and say, "Here, I'll steady you." She just felt alone, and worst of all, empty.

She couldn't control the tears that spilled out slowly and the sobs that escaped, and so she cried until her body shook and she felt herself drifting off to sleep.


End file.
